Separation Anxiety: Child or Parent?

For millions, the camp experience has been a long-standing family tradition. For others, the camp experience seems almost counterintuitive. Send your child off to camp for maybe seven weeks at a time?

“As parents, recognizing that you and your child are on a journey together, growing, learning, and experiencing the ages and stages of growing up in a parallel yet separate way are key to adequately preparing yourself and your child for any type of separation, including going to camp for the first time,” explains Peg Smith, CEO of the American Camp Association.

Here are some helpful tips to consider as you ask yourself, “Who’s going through separation anxiety, me or my child?!”

• Separation is a part of growing up. Find opportunities to give your child independence in safe, structured surroundings with caring adults, such as the camp environment. Understanding that healthy separation prepares your child to be a confident, productive adult sometimes makes the process more successful.
  
  
• Understand that separation is natural and necessary; remember your baby’s first crawl, the first time your child stepped onto a school bus, and the overnight at a friend’s or relative’s – these memories are all important developmental phases you and your child successfully encountered. Each successful separation gives your child confidence for the next challenge. Recognize, expect and acknowledge success.
  
  
• Implement steps to help prepare you and your child to have a smooth transition to camp. Practice separations such as playdates and/or sleepovers at a friend’s house; discuss what camp will be like before your child leaves and consider role-playing anticipated situations, such as using a flashlight to find the bathroom; reach an agreement ahead of time of calling each other – if your child’s camp has a no phone policy, honor it. Don’t bribe – linking a successful stay at camp to a material object sends the wrong message. The reward should be your child’s new-found confidence and independence.
  
  
• Recognize that separating from your child may be just as difficult for you as for your child; maybe even more so. Acknowledge in a positive way, that you will miss your child. For example, you can say, “I am going to miss you, but I know that you will have a good time at camp.”
  
  
• Be careful not to transfer your own anxieties to you child, either verbally or with body language. If your child senses an ambivalence on your part, he/she may feel there is reason to be concerned. Rather, your tone should be upbeat and self-assured, and you should convey the definite idea that you are confident in your decision.
  
  
• When choosing the camp, ask yourself the question, “Who will care when I’m not there?” and make certain that you are comfortable entrusting your child’s care to the director(s). Then remind yourself that your child will be in an emotionally and physically safe community, created especially for children.
  
  
• Involve your child in the decision-making process so he/she feels a sense of ownership, but remember that you want to guide his/her choice based on the adult research you have done! Children look to their parents for leadership and should not be expected to make grown-up decisions. Knowing that the ultimate choice is yours will also make you feel better about “letting go.”